Another Sleepless Night!

I hate when I can't sleep! This is happening more often lately! I stay awake, my eyes open, because when I close my eyes, the race begins!

Thoughts of Everything pouring in, like a Faucet turning on! I think of Everything that we lost, and then try to convince myself at the same time that I need to stop thinking of those things! They are Gone Forever! We cannot get them back by thinking about them, but I want to hold on to those thoughts sometimes! It is so hard to let it go! The sick feeling just wants to linger as I try so hard to ignore it. A constant Battle rages back and forth as I fight with my thoughts! 

I just want peace of mind again! I don't want this Reality anymore but I know that this is Real and We have to face it everyday! Another day has passed. Broke! Hungry! We need so many things! Clean Clothes! The Car problems! Bills! Catching up! Getting further behind! If we will Ever catch up and be able to start over! We are so far in the hole, How do we get back out again? My Health! My Husbands Health! My sons and Daughters Health! My Grandsons Health! Our Future! The What Ifs! The Regrets! The Mistakes! The, If I could do it overs!!!!! Racing! Racing! Racing in my head!

Just One More Time! Just One More Break! Just One More Chance to do it Right this time!